Five steps from Gabriel to Loki
by Nachtschwalbe
Summary: It beginns with Gabriel's blood tainting heaven and it ends with a blade through Loki's heart.


Five steps from Gabriel to Loki…

I. Gabriel used to be innocent.

(Because all of God's creations start out as children, innocents and it's not until they grow up, that they understand the difference between right and wrong.  
The fledgling Gabriel stands frozen in his spot, starring horrified at Michael and Lucifer, shouting at each other, grace agitated, faces distorted, blades poised to strike.  
To hurt.  
To kill?  
But it is Gabriel's blood that is the first to taint heaven, because he saw and he understood and with all the speed he has as the messenger, he flies between his brothers and grabs their blades until he feels something hot and wet run down his arms, sees the fury leave his brothers eyes and it is only then, that Gabriel feels the pain and lets go.  
But nothing will change, because even though Michael and Lucifer are horrified and oh so sorry, it's still not enough…  
Nothing he does can ever be.  
Loki doesn't look back, but if he did, he'd laugh bitterly about this moment, because Loki has never been innocent.  
And neither is Gabriel anymore.)

II. Gabriel used to love heaven.

(Every angel does, but Gabriel stops and it's another step away to becoming something else, something he'll come to call Loki (madness).  
Because heaven is home and peace and quiet grace or at least it's supposed to be.  
But how could it, when Lucifer and Michael are fighting constantly now, getting louder and more bitter and hurtful every time.  
How could it, when Raphael descends slowly into insanity, because he was heavens healer and he cared to much, where now he cannot effort to anymore.  
How could it, when the younger angels walk through heaven with their guard up and their eyes anxious and Gabriel tears himself apart, between trying to pacify his older brothers and shielding the younger ones.  
Heaven doesn't feel like home, doesn't feel like peace, it's a warzone and Gabriel can't help but hate it, he hates the fighting, brother against brother until their graces are stained a bloodied red…  
Gabriel hates it and one day he feels something inside him snap and he just turns around and leaves.  
Loki is a nomad and he neither needs nor wants a home.)

III. Gabriel used to have wings.

(Three pairs of them, in fact, golden, magnificent…  
But Pagans don't have wings, so Loki hides them away, folds them so tightly into himself that even he forgets that they're here sometimes.  
He wants to forget.  
They itch nearly constantly though, because there is nobody there to bully him into grooming them anymore and Gabriel remembers, remembers _before_.  
How Raphy used to worry and hover and sooth, but he was fast and efficient and he always made sure you were perfectly fine again, but then Raphael snapped and everything was all the same and God was dead.  
How Mickey used to scold and chide and rant, but his hands where the gentlest, caressing his wings and lulling him into a near trance, but then Michael hardened and he always had to be the good son, no matter the sacrifice.  
How Lucy used to laugh and tease, but he would listen, really listen to Gabriel and encourage him, they used to come up with plans and new ideas together, pranks and tricks, all in harmless fun of course, but then Lucifer went mad and cold and to hell.  
Gabriel wants to forget, oh, how he wants to forget.  
He almost wishes he could fall and rip them out, but he is and always will be an archangel and Father made the rules different for them, which is probably the only reason Lucy isn't one of the humans he hates so much...  
So Loki tucks the wings away with the memories.)

IV. Gabriel used to have siblings.

(Countless siblings and he was fond of them all, even the ones he didn't know very much, because they were family and that _mattered_.  
And he loved his three older brothers, more than anything else, more than Father even (he knows the thought carries blasphemy, but it is how it is and he can't help it, so he remains silent), because they were always there for him and Gabriel would have done anything, anything for them, anything but this.  
He could never choose one over the others.  
Everyone knows that Loki detests angels and everything associated with them, goes out of his way to avoid them.  
And Loki buries the memories, ignores the cries he hears in his head, when angel radio reports another dead, because Loki has neither need nor want for family and the closest attachment he ever forms are passing acquaintances.)

V. Gabriel used to care.

(Loki demonstrates that he does not.)

.

But then comes along Team Free Will (with a brothers bond strong like it's supposed to be and an angel who retained his faith despite everything) and one step behind them, the apocalypse (two brothers who loved each other and betrayed each other).  
And Loki has to take of the mask ("Gabriel, okay? They call me Gabriel.") and stop pretending ("Lu-cy, I'm ho-ome.").  
Loki dies at the Eulysian Fields motel, before Kali blows his cover and stabs him, before Lucifer pushes the blade through his heart, he dies when Gabriel finally has to choose.  
And oh, what a choice it is, for humanity, for people and their all messy emotions and love and creativity and how they try so hard…  
(And for chocolate of course, can't forget that.)  
For people, even over his siblings (not that they were such in a very long time).  
For people, even if realistically they don't stand a chance.  
Loki certainly hadn't thought it possible.  
Gabriel just hopes it wasn't in vain.  
(And then he scratches at the bandage over his heart, irritated. Because it _hurts_ and damn Lucy, that almost killed me…)

* * *

 _reviews, pretty please?_


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